I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
