Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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