I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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