Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
