The maid of honor just puked.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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