Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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