Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
