Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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