I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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