You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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