fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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