I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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