I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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