Kiss
Puke
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
