Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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