i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
