And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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