dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
