I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were trust falling into bushes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
