Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
