Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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