you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
