Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
