just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
