Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
