I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
