he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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