Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
