The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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