There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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