worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
