Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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