Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
