he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
