I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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