Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a search helicopter?!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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