Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
