i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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