Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
