I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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