if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
