My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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