oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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