I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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