oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
