Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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