Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
