I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
