I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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