please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
