hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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